Courage is knowing what not to fear. ~ Plato, philosopher and mathematician
What an apropos quote to be e-mailed yesterday. I had not heard this one before (or if I had, it didn't stick). I had intended to continue the open letter today but on seeing this quote will digress instead. I will return to the open letter because, quite frankly, I think that's what this blog is really about....well, in addition to being another tool for me to continue my growth and evolution.
I like using the key words in the Serenity Prayer as a breath prayer. The wonderful Nancy taught me about breath prayer. I can hear her calm, soothing voice saying, "breath in all that is God and breath out all that is not." She would talk about picking key word pairs to use. I love using the three words in the title (courage or strength depending on my preference of the day) because you breath them in and out, which I think is important. When you only use two words, you always breathe one in and the other out. With these three I find it important to do both with each quality. I think you need them inside and, at the same time, you need to project them out into the Universe too. I use this trio the most, whether I need to be calmed or soothed or pumped up.
Serenity/peace is something I seek everyday. I need it inside me and around me. It's one of the things I crave the most. Not surprising given the chaos and craziness I've endured in my life. The almost constant anxiousness waiting for the worst to happen takes its toll. Those moments of sweet peace are better than the richest, smoothest caramel.
Thing about peace is that it has to come from within. It's not something you can just absorb from the outside. You have to find it inside - no matter how loud the cacophony beating you down inside your head gets, you have to know that you can silence it. Much easier said than done but with practice I can find those moments of quiet, which means that anyone can. And you can make the moments last longer each time. I believe, though I haven't arrived there yet myself, that you can even make the moments stretch on for eternity. Ah, what bliss.....
But here is the catch, the most important piece I learned about serenity (and I discovered it on the front of a journal in Half-Price Books): Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm ~ author unknown. See I thought peace meant nothing would ever rock my boat again. And in order to never have my boat rocked I decided to stop sailing or even visiting the water. I thought I could only have peace when I was alone. I didn't think it was possible to have that peace with other people around. Now how the hell do you achieve that 24/7 when you aren't a millionare?
I had it so very wrong. My skewed version of peace was really another way to isolate and be alone. And trust me, with the crap inside my head, even when I'm alone I can't find peace. So serenity is about getting in the boat and trusting that even if I find myself in the middle of the perfect storm that I can handle it without "losing it" or wreaking havoc. The storm itself may cause wreckage but I don't have to. And if I don't think I can participate without being that shrew, I can seek shelter by walking away and gathering myself before returning to the fray.
Another key thing though, you have to participate in life to hone those skills. You don't get better at handling this messy thing called life by hiding. You have to go out into the world and interact with other people. You have to put yourself out there warts and all. I feel like I started to do that this past year with the scrap club. I've challenged myself to step it up this year. So far I've been true to my word by writing this blog, hanging with my pal Diversity and agreeing to be on the Board of Faith Formation at Church. It'll be interesting to see what the year brings.
FOR THE RECORD
There is nothing wrong with 12-step programs and I applaud anyone that has ever been in one. It takes guts to help yourself and they work. I have never been a 12-stepper. If I had been an alcoholic or a drug addict, I would have. Yes, they have them for food addiction and other things; still, I have not been. My point in saying this is don't automatically assume things about people just because they have an affinity for the Serenity Prayer. It does not automatically mean someone is a 12-stepper. It is a prayer after all. Better to assume religion/spirituality as it really indicates their belief in a higher power.
DAILY ACCOUNTING
Got about 6 hours last night. Better but not good enough. I swear I tried going to bed at 11:30pm and it was still after 2am before I was asleep. Sheesh. Made it to work on time and got a good parking space. Flipped the peace sign once on the drive. You really should try it. It does make me feel better and so far I haven't gotten as angry at the other drivers who persist in trying to kill me. Ate better but not great. Accomplished next to nothing once I got home. Now, it's 1am so I'm not really going to get much sleep again tonight....crap.
No comments:
Post a Comment