STUCK IN THE LEAVING

So I’m a huge TWILIGHT fan. I definitely fall into the obsessive category. It is fair to say the story and the characters are never very far from my mind. The same can be said of Harry Potter but not quite. Some of my friends think I’m crazy and others get it because they are as dazzled as I am. Here’s the really absurd part (and trust me I see the irrationality, it just doesn’t do anything to change it):

I am stuck in the leaving. I sob uncontrollably when he leaves her. The line, “It will be as if I never existed” rips my soul apart. I cry when that scene is shown in the NEW MOON movie trailer and tears spring into my eyes when I see the pictures of it on the internet.

Yes, he comes back. Yes, they get back together and essentially live happily ever after by the end of book four. I know this. And yet it doesn’t seem to matter. I KNOW IT IS FICTION and it doesn’t seem to matter. I cry during HP also but I can take the deaths in stride and knowing how it all ends helps. Not so with TWILIGHT.

I can’t help but feel that there is some larger metaphor that applies to my life that I’m supposed to be getting out of this but I just don’t see it. Instead, all I’m consumed with are thoughts of how the hell am I going to enjoy the premiere of the movie when I’ll probably still be crying when the credits roll? Seriously, do I spend the next few months obsessing on it in an attempt to desensitize myself or just go with the flow and hope that what’s really bugging me will surface. When it does, will I start sleeping regularly again? Are the two even related?

I told you it was irrational and that I am seriously fucked up. Now do you believe me?

DAILY ACCOUNTING
Slept about 8 hours (helps not to have to get up for work!) Read & wrote. Went to church (awesome visiting missionary - I want to keep him!) and out to dinner. Made good food choices today.