Ugly Side

I only want you to see my favorite part of me and not my ugly side, not my ugly side.
~ from the song "Ugly Side" by Blue October

Among all the song lyrics rolling around in my head this weekend, the above was the most prevalent. Isn't this what we all want? Who really wants other people to know their faults, weaknesses and shortcomings? Except in sharing these "dark" parts of yourself, you may find that you are not alone. We all have things about ourselves we don't like, wish we could change or don't want to admit too. It's all part of being human.

I spent the day writing what will be my posts later this week. While it is not the first time I have revealed these parts of my story, it is the first time I have ever written them down. Why does that make them so much more real? It’s one thing to know these things happened and to talk about them; it seems it is something else entirely to type them out and examine them. Probably why I’ve avoided it for so long because the process brings a fresh pain. Yet this pain is cathartic; it's the pain of healing not breaking. Which is nice because I've felt broken for way too long....

DAILY ACCOUNTING
Slept, read, wrote and did laundry. Didn't eat a whole lot today which is just as bad as bingeing or eating the wrong things.