this spirit, this feeling

"I thought punk started in London," says Bobby.

"No. Of course," says Henry, pushing back his chair, "some people, me included, believe that punk is just the most recent manifestation of this, this spirit, this feeling, you know, that things aren't right and that in fact things are so wrong that the only thing we can do is say Fuck It, over and over again, really loud, until someone stops us."

~ page 205, THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE by Audrey Niffengger



I want to be done screaming, "Fuck it!" while banging my head against the wall because things are so unbelievably wrong. Both inside of myself and outside in the world.

Here's the thing...I can't control anything outside of myself. I can try to influence it, I can do my part; other than that I have absolutely no control over other people. Which, of course, I find utterly frustrating; mostly because sometimes I can't control myself either. I find myself making choices that I know are not healthy for me or doing things I know will provide no long term benefit. I know what I should be doing; I simply cannot make myself do it.

It's easy to reach out to stop someone else who's treating themself badly. I find it extremely difficult trying to stop myself. Yet, I'm tired of waiting for someone else to stop me especially when it is really not their job. I am the only one who has control over me.

DAILY ACCOUNTING
4 hours sleep. Decent food choices but not great.