Is family really first?

Someone recently said to me, "Family is first." People who know me well will not be shocked by my response.

I basically responded with, "Not always."

Families can be the most dysfunctional, dishonest, fucked up people and cannot always be trusted to give the best, most sound and healthy advice. Sometimes families make things worse because they think they know what's best when really they are simply projecting their choices and expectations instead of really taking into account what the individual wants and needs. Families can sometimes be the most destructive places/people on earth.

So, in my world, love and mutual respect come first regardless of who you are and what your tie is to me. I may not always agree with your choices but I will respect them and support you because I love and care about you. And as long as you aren't treading into self-destructive behavior, I will let you make your own mistakes because that is what life is about. All I ask is for the same in return.

That is my definition of love and friendship and family. I have friends that are more family to me than people related to me by blood will ever be.

Some of the things that are done or said in the name of "family" are the most vile in the history of the world. Some family members think they can treat other family members anyway they want because, "Hey, we're family." And that, in my opinion, is bullshit.

I can love you and cherish the history we have because we are family, but if your behavior is destructive to my well-being I can do that loving from a healthy distance. Thank you very much.

I can also make my own decisions about what is or is not right for me and that may mean going against what my family thinks is best.

So I guess if you have a wonderful, healthy, loving family that truly cares about what is best for you then perhaps family is first. In my experience those families are more the exception than the rule.